Friends United Meeting |
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By David Zarembka
“Being in the group, where you talk about your stories, is comforting. Hearing someone else’s story, you could realize that you are not alone in the struggle. And when it came to telling others about your story, it was like something heavy was pulled out from the heart and you felt happy.” —Rwandan participant
In September 2002, David Bucura, Legal Representative (General Secretary) of Rwanda Yearly Meeting of Friends, was insistent the African Great Lakes Initiative (AGLI) bring trauma healing to Rwanda. Following the 1994 genocide, it was clear Rwandans needed it on a massive scale.
The Friends Peace Teams, composed of 16 United States Yearly Meetings and the African Great Lakes Initiative (AGLI), which I coordinate, began its largest program. In October 2000, AGLI began trauma healing work with Burundi Yearly Meeting of Friends by helping to start Trauma Healing and Reconciliation Services (THARS). So to take on another large, overwhelming program needed prayerful discernment.
In early 2003, in partnership with the American Friends Service Committee—Africa Region, a one-month training session was held for 15 Rwandans and three Ugandans. Prior to this, AGLI had been working with Rwanda Yearly Meeting to introduce, revise and promote the Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) that consists of three-day workshops with emphasis on experiential learning. This is done through a series of exercises, role-plays, small group discussions, “light and livelies” (fun things to break up the seriousness) and group building.
Under the leadership of Adrien Niyongabo from Burundi, who had helped initiative THARS and had been one of the trainers for the Rwandan workshop, a community traumahealing workshop called “Healing and Rebuilding Our Communities” was developed. Again with support from the AFSC— Africa Region, the Rwandans were able to begin a three-month program where they tested and refined the workshop by conducting 25 of them for almost 500 people. Later AGLI sponsored three similar workshops in Uganda and four in Burundi.
In the Rwandan workshop, 10 participants are Tutsi survivors of the genocide and 10 are Hutu, from the families of the perpetrators or in some cases, “released prisoners” who confessed to participating in the genocide. Although most of the people at a workshop are from the same community and know each other, they have not communicated with each other for almost a decade. Each group sits apart, does not make eye contact with the others and exhibits other signs of nervousness. I am astounded when I think of how the three facilitators are going to deal with such hostility!
“I am very happy to see that the person who had the courage to hide my husband and myself when the killers were looking and following us is now with me in this room. We need to accept that there are trustworthy persons within each ethnic group although we passed through horrible periods.”
—Burundi participant
The most important aspect of the first day is to develop a secure environment where everyone feels free to talk and is respected by the listeners. For most of the participants this may be the first time since the genocide this has happened.
“In this workshop, I have discovered that there are many kinds of trauma. Before I was thinking that only having lost family members is traumatizing. But now I have seen that the wrongdoer can be traumatized by the horrible things she/he did.” —Genocide survivor
“I am a survivor [of the genocide]. I always had bad dreams and saw people coming to kill me at night. I did not know that I was traumatized, but now I am feeling OK after talking about this.” —Genocide survivor
The agenda on the first day includes understanding psychosocial trauma, a new concept for most Rwandan participants; causes and symptoms of trauma with small group discussion on “the effects of trauma on you;” and the two groups are purposely combined in the small groups. Later the groups share their insights. The day ends with a normalization exercise to relax people who will return to their homes and families for the night in a calm mood.
“I didn’t realize that I was traumatized. I was surprised to find myself with many of these trauma symptoms you told us. Thank you so much for helping me to know what I am suffering from.” —Rwandan participant
“We were blind. Learning about trauma healing skills has allowed us to shed light on our past, present and future. Personally, I realize that the fact that we have been bearing all the bad events in us has brought back the violence once again.” —Rwandan participant
The second day begins with learning good listening skills. This is followed by working through grief and loss and how to come out of the trauma. The afternoon deals with destructive and constructive ways of dealing with anger.
“Myself, as well as my neighbors, have lost many relatives and the situation we are in is unbearable. But I discovered that the main issue is that we have been keeping all inside us. We did not want to tell God, nor our friends about them. Grief can destroy one’s life and body. We now find new skills. God and friends can comfort me.” —Ugandan participant
“Having participated in this workshop, it has lifted me to another stage of understanding. I have a neighbor with whom I am in conflict. I discovered how I have been acting under my anger. Now I am ready to meet with him and tell him that I have acted wrongly. I will ask for forgiveness. Yes, I have been an evildoer.” —Rwandan participant
On the third day, the tree of mistrust and the tree of trust are introduced. This works extremely well in the African rural setting. These are drawings of trees in which the participants list the roots and fruits of mistrust. They conclude to cut down that tree (retaliation, revenge, capital punishment). They then discuss the roots and fruits of trust. Sometimes participants realize that to cut down the tree of mistrust is a grave mistake because it only brings more mistrust. Rather the bad roots need to be replaced with good roots and then the bad fruits will become good fruits (rehabilitation, resurrection).
“When we talked about the mistrust and trust trees, participants expressed how the mistrust tree is real in their hearts and what has been the consequences of such evil. They openly manifested their willingness to uproot that mistrust tree because, they said, it is the origin of all horrible times they passed through for generations.” —Rwandan participant
“We have to plant the trust tree in our hearts so that every Rwandan can eat its delicious fruits.” —Rwandan participant
On the third afternoon, there is a “trust walk” where one Hutu participant is blindfolded and led around by a Tutsi participant. The roles are then reversed and the Tutsi is blindfolded and led around by the Hutu.
“Each time I tried to find something to hold on to, my friend told me, ‘Don’t worry, I see for you’ and I believed.” —Rwandan participant
“The agenda was composed of role plays, trust walk, tree of mistrust/suspicion, tree of trust and group discussion. What a good day! It was very touching, inspiring, full of love to see how ex-prisoners [Hutu accused of participating in the genocide] and survivors [of the genocide] were holding each other and carefully they walked together.” —Rwandan participant
By the end of these workshops people who only three days before would have stayed out in the downpours of Central Africa rather than seek shelter with their opponents, who would have refused to ask for water if they were thirsty because they were afraid they would be poisoned, leave talking and laughing with each other inviting each other over for dinner.
“We may have been thinking that we are the only ones in our camp that have suffered more than any one else, but we heard how others passed through very difficult times, too. My mother lost four children. After the second day, I told her about our lesson and she started to tell me a lot about the death of the four. When she was done, she hugged me strongly and we slept.” —Ugandan participant
“I am happy for this program because we are together, even though we came from different sectors, churches, even tribes [Tutsi, Hutu and Twa]. I discovered how to build a good society after seeing the tree of trust.” —Rwandan participant
My dream is to see the families of the hijackers from 9/11 together with the families of the victims of the World Trade tower together in a “Healing and Rebuilding Our Societies” workshop. But I am just dreaming! The peoples of the Great Lakes region of Africa have suffered so much more than we have, but they have also come much farther than we in healing and reconciliation from their tragedies.
David Zarembka is Coordinator of the African Great Lakes Initiative of the Friends Peace Teams. He is a member of Bethesda (MD) Meeting (Baltimore Yearly Meeting) and first became involved with Rwandan refugees in 1964. He is married to Gladys Kamonya, a Kenyan Friend.