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Friends United Meeting |
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October 1998
Bringing Nonviolence Workshops to My Middle School
By Fenna Mandolang
Help Increase the Peace Project, HIPP, is a series of nonviolence workshops for up to 25 participants of kids in middle or high school. The workshops are hands-on activities and voluntary for all participants and facilitators. A few adults from the school or community are allowed to participate. My mother, Nadine Clare Hoover, and I have offered the seriesbasic, advanced, and training for facilitatorsat Belle Vue Middle School, since September 1994. HIPP initially started at Belle Vue when my mother and the principal wrote a grant to fund the project. The principal insisted that the students, faculty, and staff would have to show interest for the workshops to continue. So my mother and I did two things. We talked to the teachers at a faculty and staff meeting, and we made sure that the workshops were open to all kinds of kids: leaders, troublemakers, and average kids.
In the workshops, we learn skills to prevent fights and to create a friendly community. These skills include good communication, affirmation, cooperation, and transforming power.
· Communication-If you think someone is mad at you, you can ask them directly if there is a problem instead of playing the "he said," "she said," game.
· Affirmation-Be positive, not negative. When I do well on a test, I should not brag, but it is okay for me to say I did well. If another student improves his score, it is good to compliment him.
· Cooperation-Listen to others and respect their opinions and feelings, even if you disagree. But take turns listening, then search for a win/win solution.
· Transforming power--Transforming power is the power to change a situation so that it becomes manageable, maybe even constructive. It is the power of truth, the power of caring, the power of respect. Transforming power means you have to be open to all kinds of solutions: surprise, humor, patience, or persistence. Using transforming power is hard because it is not letting people take advantage of you. It requires strength, courage, self-respect, and respect for others. It is not safer than violence; it involves taking risks.
We build community from the minute the workshop starts. Old, young, rich, poor, participant, or facilitator-follow the same rules.
· Participation--Participants must attend the entire time. When two teachers once insisted on returning late from a break, they were dismissed from the group. I think that was good for the teachers and for the students.
· Confidentiality-Everyone observes confidentiality, even in small things. Some of us thought "Luscious Larry" was a great name, so we called him that in the school hallway, and he was not pleased.
· Trust-You would have to be there and actually listen to people open up and share about things you would never have expected. When I interact with kids who seem so different, I find out we are not so different after all, and I learn to appreciate the differences between us.
In one basic workshop, a guy who comes from a very prejudiced family talked about his experience. He knew he couldn't change his family, but he could change himself. He found a new confidence about himself and his views. He stopped "checker day" last year. Each year a rumor goes around that a certain day of the year will be "checker day," a day for whites and blacks to jump each other and fight. When the rumor came to him last spring, he said he wasn't going to be involved, and his friends followed his example. Some of the kids who knew him from HIPP asked him what was going to happen on "checker day." He said, "Nothing is going to happen." The teachers and administrators heard about "checker day" and were prepared, but nothing happened. I can walk around the school now and say "hi" to all kinds of kids I would have been afraid of before. They say "hi," and we watch out for each other, even though we're really different.
We have three more workshops planned. Then we'll have a new group of facilitators and make new plans with them. At every workshop I learn more about myself and others, so I will continue to work on my facilitation skills. I'm confident with the simple activities, and I have begun to work on giving instructions or introductions to the more complicated or critical activities. I hope to be a lead facilitator soon, to give others the opportunity to apprentice and develop confidence in their skills.
We have had requests from around Florida and Georgia. Two of us youth trainers went to Miami to present our project to people who wanted to know about it. We are trying to schedule a training series in Orlando. I've arranged for group rates for participants to take the train, the Friends Meeting offered a meeting room and overnight cottage, and I've made shopping and cooking lists. It takes a great deal of time, but I think it's worth it!!!
Fenna Mandolang wrote this article in 1996 when she was 13 years old. She now attends George School in Newtown, Penn. and continues her nonviolence work. To contact the Help Increase the Peace Program, write the Middle Atlantic Regional Office of the American Friends Service Committee, 4806 York Road, Baltimore MD 21212 or call (410) 323-7200.
Copyright (c) 1998 Friends United Meeting
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