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Friends United Meeting |
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March 1999
Diversity within the Religious Society of Friends:
Do We Really Want It?
By Vanessa Julye
Friends often tell me they want diversity. Instead of agreeing with them, I find myself asking them three questions: 1) Why? 2) Do you really? 3) Are you willing to change?
I am a convinced Friend. I was introduced to Quakerism through attending a Quaker boarding school. During my senior year, I felt the call to join the Religious Society of Friends, but could not because of the sense of isolation I felt as an African American in a predominantly white religion. It was not until some fifteen years later, when hired by Friends World Committee for Consultation, Section of the Americas, that I returned to Quaker meeting for worship.
When I joined the Religious Society of Friends, I knew there were certain parts of me that I was expected to keep separate from this community. I was willing to do this, but did not realize how much it cost me until I was able to understand how I had internalized the oppression endured throughout my life. I can cite numerous examples of unintentional prejudice and racist behaviors by Friends towards me. I and other Friends of color find these incidents the hardest to confront. They are usually small behaviors or short statements not meant to offend, but they do offend us. Yet we make excuses to ourselves for why we do not inform Friends of our hurt. I would not have survived my first FGC Gathering in 1994 if I had not participated in the workshop Internalized Oppression. We spent many hours sharing our pain and anger from the daily words and behaviors of other Friends. This was important for our survival within the community, to know that we were not alone.
Back to my first question, "Why do you want people of color to be members of your meeting? Are our meetings currently welcoming to everyone? Do we want to be welcoming to everyone?" For me as a person of color, being a Quaker means isolation and pain. Why would I encourage anyone else of color to share in this experience? In all honesty, I cannot. I do make a point of welcoming people of color who come to our meeting. The question I get asked most often by these visitors is "How many people of color are there in this meeting?" The second question is, "Do they attend regularly?" It is only natural to want to be around people with whom you are comfortable.
I led a workshop for FWCC, Section of the Americas, in May 1997 for our Northeast Regional Gathering. I asked my three questions and received many puzzled looks. I went on to explain that behaviors and words can have different meanings in different cultures. If I walk into your meeting house on First Day to worship and you approach me with the simple and common greeting of "May I help you?" I will immediately want to turn around and walk back out the door.
This term is used daily by white Americans to give the unspoken message that we, African Americans, are not welcome, but because the law says we have a right to be here, we are expected to hurry up, tell the white person what we need and get out as quickly as possible. Now you think you have been welcoming, but the person of color has heard, "What are you doing here?" If the Friend had said, "Welcome, it is nice of you to join us for worship today," this would be heard and understood as the greeting for which it is intended.
Misunderstandings can occur on both sides. This summer, August 1997, I visited New England Yearly Meeting (NEYM). While I was there, the behavior of an African American male member of the yearly meeting was misinterpreted. When I first met this African American Friend, he greeted me in a complimentary manner with which I am familiar and which I experience often within the African American community. It was unexpected, but wonderful. Immediately, I felt myself blush and relax at the same time in experiencing this behavior from my cultural heritage. I know some women find this type of greeting from a man which focuses on her physical appearance superficial and demeaning. This Friend made several comments and behaved in ways throughout the week which were perceived as sexist. Several women approached the NEYM Sessions Committee sharing their hurt from his comments and actions. Yet as I observed his behavior and women's reactions I could see the collision of two different cultures. This behavior is accepted and encouraged by both sexes within the African American community, but did it belong at NEYM? No, because African American culture is not a part of that or many other Quaker communities within the United States of America. He was expected to adapt and leave this part of his culture at home in the African American community.
One of the reasons I did not become a Quaker in high school was I did not find any aspect of my cultural heritage as an African American within the religion. I was tired of being a token. As a middle class African American, I was raised in circles where I was either the only or one of a very few minorities. I needed to see someone whose skin was brown, and with whom I could share my experiences of how it felt being in this exclusive environment. Quakerism could not meet these needs. I am older, more seasoned and at a place in my life where I can now accept God's call.
These are just a few reasons why I see a need for change. So when I ask Why? and Do you really?, I expect Quakers to say, "Yes, I want diversity." I challenge Friends to take the time to get their meetings to reach down in their souls and answer those three questions honestly. As a person of color, I was raised to sense when someone believes in what they are doing or is just concerned with being politically correct. I had to learn this skill as a means of survival in this country.
I know many other Friends would like to see more people of color in our meetings, but I feel called by God to help Quakers understand what that really means. It means changing things you say, being more flexible and willing to implement new traditions. I am a member of the Religious Society of Friends because God put me here. I am willing to accept the isolation and pain that it sometimes involves, but cannot honestly ask other people of color to join me until I feel Quakers have examined the true meaning of diversity and its consequences.
Friends of color are constantly being put in situations where our presence is questioned. For example, during that same week at NEYM a member of the Yearly Meeting joined an African American young lady, new to the Religious Society of Friends, for dinner, and began a conversation with her by asking what she was doing there. This same person proceeded to make several hurtful racist comments to this African American Friend. The Friend of color shared this incident with me, and members of her meeting who helped her bring it before the NEYM Sessions Committee.
The question that was asked of the Quaker woman of color at New England Yearly Meeting, "What are you doing here?" is one I have asked myself on numerous occasions. Each time I have the same answer: Quaker values are my values. I believe there is that of God in everyone, do my best to respect others, believe in the peaceful resolution of conflict, and am continually searching for the truth.
Be patterns, be examples in all countries, place, islands, nations wherever you come, that your carriage and life may preach among all sorts of people, and to them; then you will come to walk cheerfully over the world, answering that of God in every one. George Fox (1656)
George Fox's words describe how I strive to lead my life. I know I am a member of the Religious Society of Friends. Why is it necessary for me to say this? I learned as a child that the concept of the United States of America being a melting pot is a myth. There is no melting pot, but there is an expectation of assimilation. As a U.S. citizen, I am expected to embrace and emulate middle-class white traditions as my own and forsake all others from my ancestors' countries of origin.
Right now I find the Religious Society of Friends to be a lot like the mythical melting pot. People are welcome to become Quakers if they are willing to assimilate. Again, I ask, are you willing to change? There is a lot of work to be done in our own meetings to make them more welcoming for Friends of color. We live in one of the most racist countries in the world, the United States of America, where I encounter racism every day as an African American female. I find it difficult when I confront systematic racist events face-to-face in what I expect to be safe, spiritually enriching Quaker environments such as Friends General Conference (FGC) Gatherings.
A tremendous amount of work has occurred since that first year in 1994, helping make the Gatherings a safer environment for Friends of color. A good example of this change was our ability to speak out about our pain from the Underground Railroad Game during last year's Gathering. Had I been confronted with that game two years ago, I would not have shared my feelings with anyone, outside of a few friends. However, I also would not have attended another Gathering or encouraged any other person of color to participate. Fortunately, that did not happen. The progress which has been made with the Friends General Conference Gathering has come as a result of my and several other Friends taking risks. We have participated in difficult discussions where our openness and honesty made us vulnerable. Speaking out, sharing my truth as an African American Quaker, is very frightening for me, yet it is something which I am continually asked to do. Why do I do it? I ask myself that constantly.
Fortunately, God has provided me with a wealth of support from my meeting and Friends of color throughout the United States of America. Last September, under the care of my Meeting, I convened my first worship group for people of color. These monthly worships help provide nourishment and the opportunity for me to worship, in my meetinghouse, surrounded by brown faces and hearing messages which very much speak to my condition. Several Friends of color who regularly attend the worship group have shared how meaningful the worships are for them.
My answer to the often asked question, "What are you doing here?" is: this is my calling from God. I, as a member of the Religious Society of Friends, am responsible for sharing my experience as an African American within Quakerism, among Quakers, to give the Society an opportunity to decide whether it is really able to be inclusive. If in fact, the answer is no, it will mean the birth of another branch of Quakerism: A form of Quakerism within the United States of America where my image is visible and prominent.
Vanessa Julye, a member of Central Philadelphia (Pa.) Meeting, is associate secretary of Friends World Committee for Consultation, Section of the Americas. This is edited from an article which first appeared in the Canadian Friend.
Copyright (c) 1999 Friends United Meeting