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Friends United Meeting |
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July/August 1999
Pastoral Care in an Unprogrammed Meeting
The Experience of Beacon Hill Monthly Meeting
By the members of BHMM Pastoral Care Committee: Ernie Boyer, Linda Hamel, Kathy Koplic, Chuck McCorkle, and Ben Tousley
Last spring, as part of Beacon Hill Monthly Meeting's "Collected Visions Series," Pastoral Care Committee facilitated a lively discussion focused upon pastoral care. We were fortunate to have Johan Maurer as a visitor and participant in our discussion. Pastoral care has always been a strong component in the life of our meeting and therefore it was to our surprise when Johan suggested that it was rather unusual for an unprogrammed meeting to have a committee explicitly named pastoral care. It was from that discussion that we were later invited to share with Quaker Life readers our experiences as members of the Pastoral Care Committee.
The provision of pastoral care in our meeting is deeply rooted in the Christian belief that we are members of one body and, as such, we deeply care when any part of that body is sick or distressed. The health of our meeting as a whole is dependent on the health and well-being of each member.
Pastoral care, as it derives from Scripture, suggests a loving shepherd watching over the flock. In many religious communities, this image is constellated in the figure of a single designated pastor who shoulders the responsibility for such oversight. As Friends in an unprogrammed meeting, we choose to share that responsibility in a more corporate fashion through the provision of our pastoral care committee. The committee itself functions as a sentinel, prayerfully keeping watch over the community and its members who are in need, but also as a reminder to all members that the task of caring and supporting one another is one to be embraced by each Friend.
In the Gospel of John, Jesus suggests that each member of the larger body, living in his Spirit, take up the yoke of caring as he has demonstrated: "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." (John 15:12-16, RSV)
Thus empowered, each of us in our meeting is authorized and encouraged to lend a helping hand, a compassionate ear or a loving voice to a member who is suffering or in need of support. Our committee facilitates some of those acts of caring with humble recognition that the spirit of love moves among us constantly and in ways that are ultimately mysterious.
Currently the Pastoral Care Committee (PCC) has adopted a process for accomplishing this work. We begin and end our meetings with silent worship, trusting that our deliberations will be guided by God. Each member of the committee is both a minister and one in need of ministry, so after opening worship we "check in." In turn, members report on their own states of mind and heart. In this way we know when to minister to the needs of a committee member before proceeding on to the needs of other meeting members and attenders. One committee member stated that the importance of this step is that "you cannot export that which you don't first own." In ministering to each other first, we establish a grounded committee which can more clearly discern the needs of the meeting.
We then identify "Friends in need." Based upon our personal knowledge or what we have learned from other meeting members, we identify members of the meeting who are in need materially or spiritually and discuss ways the committee can assist them. Support offered by PCC may include providing help with meals, housework or childcare for the ill, a support group for an individual faced with a difficult personal decision or crisis, or just a phone call to let the person know that help is available if needed. We often find that we need more information about an individual's predicament and may appoint a member to research the issue by speaking directly to the individual and/or friends and family.
Each month we review one page of the meeting directory. As we consider each name we comment on recent contact or conversations we may have had and try to discern if there are needs that PCC can address. If someone is not well known to the committee, if there has been a change in attendance, or if there has been a prolonged absence, one of the committee members volunteers to either call by phone, or write a note as a way to connect with individuals and try to open a dialogue. Quite often the response to a call or note is positive, and the connection which helps to make it possible for someone who has felt distanced from the meeting to return, or to talk with one of us about their needs.
One individual who was contacted in this way, shared with a member of PCC on their return to Meeting the following First Day, that his mother had died three weeks earlier, and it came as a great comfort to have a community of faith contact him during a time of need. (It should be noted that as a committee, we had no knowledge of his recent loss, which does not minimize the impact on this person's life.)
In another instance, a couple whom we contacted, explained that they were now attending another meeting, but wished to stay on the mailing list so they could continue to receive the meeting newsletter. Again, there was appreciation that their absence had been noted and that a "friendly inquiry" had been made.
We maintain a "prayer tree" which meeting members can activate when specific times of prayer are requested. This is a quick way for a wider group of meeting members to be aware of spiritual needs of other meeting members. There is a wide range of requests that are made through the prayer tree, ranging from prayers during hospitalizations, prayers for discernment during difficult decision making, etc.
We also maintain a pastoral care volunteer list of those willing to provide certain concrete types of assistance, including transportation, meals, childcare. Having this list also allows the meeting community, through PCC, to respond quickly to these types of need. Often additional volunteers come forward when a need is requested through a PCC member during our announcement period at the rise of meeting on First Day.
Two separate funds are available for various financial needs (equalization funds and a separate pastoral care fund). Requests for equalization come to us in the form of a written request, indicating the amount and purpose of the money. Generally these requests are for members to attend events sponsored by the wider body of Friends organizations (i.e., FGC, FUM Triennial, FLGC Midwinter Gathering, Youth Quake, etc.). Individuals who attend such functions are also asked to report back to the meeting as a way to share their experience and ministry. The Pastoral Care fund is used for emergency financial need, and also comes to us in a written form.
It feels important to us to engage the meeting in discussions regarding pastoral care and therefore outreach is also a component of our work. We periodically introduce ourselves at rise of meeting and invite individuals to speak with us regarding their spiritual lives. We have drafted a pamphlet describing the committee and ways we might be of help. We have also presented in BHMM "Collected Visions" series, an adult education program conducted prior to meeting for worship.
At Beacon Hill Monthly Meeting the Pastoral Care Committee is one of four committees which make up the combined Ministry and Council. Many years ago it was clear that the work of Ministry and Council needed to be expanded into three committees to effectively minister to the Meeting. Those committees included Ministry and Worship, Clearness and Membership and Pastoral Care. These committees meet jointly three times a year so that we have a broader appreciation of ministry in the meeting. Last year a fourth committee was added to include the special ministry our children provide, Young People's Ministry and Education.
As a committee we continue to struggle with our role. During our discussions and discernment there are ongoing questions which arise. We know that very often, in the midst of trying circumstances, a natural tendency for individuals is to withdraw. This is often a self-protective impulse which helps to keep us from being overstimulated during vulnerable times or diminishes our sense of separateness from others. Often during periods of intense grief, individuals express the feeling that "no one knows what I am feeling." Of course, it is precisely during those times when we need the loving support of our community. For many it is also the very time when it is most difficult to reach out and ask for help. For members and attenders of the meeting that are well integrated into the community, it is easier to be cognizant of those times of need. But there are always individuals that are not well known to us, are new to the meeting community, or are occasional attenders, and it is much more difficult to discern when times of need arise.
So often we think of pastoral care as something requested during times of great need. How do we "normalize" the use of the committee, both during those times of need and during less critical times? In a highly independent culture, there is a hesitancy to ask for help. How do we broaden the scope of the conversations possible when considering pastoral care? One way may be finding ways to share our spiritual journeys with one another on an ongoing basis. This not only adds to the richness of experience and ministry of the meet-ing, but helps to foster a level of spiritual intimacy which may strengthen
our ability to reveal difficult times to one another as part of the ongoing revelation of how the spirit moves in our lives.
We also know that there is a great deal of "informal" pastoral care that is provided from one meeting member to another. So often we are the answered prayers for one another. We wonder how we might help the meeting community recognize the level of pastoral care we all provide to one another. How do we help each other elicit and nurture the gifts of pastoral care that we are all capable of providing? Perhaps the vitality of the PCC and the pastoral care which arises from the community lies in the faith that by remaining faithful to the questions we eventually live the answers.
One Meeting member provided the following thoughts on her family's experience of assistance from the Pastoral Care Committee and other Meeting members:
"My family and I have asked for pastoral help on several occasions, when medical problems plus a small child made life too much to handle by ourselves. Knowing that the Pastoral Care Committee had a list of volunteers for this type of situation made it much easier to ask for help. We asked, and we received. People came by with meals, and helped with babysitting, in the kindest and most straightforward fashion. Their emotional support and warmth were at least as therapeutic as the practical help.
We have given help too, although perhaps not to the same degree. I have always found that the giving or receiving created its own kind of intimacy; a meal made by a friend's hands is a gift like no other. I am very grateful that our meeting has found this way of expressing our love for each other."
Copyright (c) 1999 Friends United Meeting
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